Come On, Apple

Dear Tim Cook,

iPhone 5S(hit) and iPhone 5C(rap). Here you go, you’re welcome.

There are SO many things I could talk about, here are just a few that I feel a strong urge to say.

First of all, I know what you’re doing. You just keep making the same frickin’ phone every year, but with some new minor upgrades that won’t make the iPhone look too last-century, so that iSheep continue to buy them every single time and you sit there automatically making money. I know what you’re saying. “But hey, we added fingerprint recognition this year!” Ok yeah, sure, I bet the world is like “Ouh meh gad” right now~

Don’t you think some iFans would want a bigger screen? Even just a little bigger? Also, you have so little about that new phone to be proud of, you got 4S on the “compare iPhone models” page, instead of 5. You did this because you don’t want other people to realize that 5C is actually a worse plastic version of 5, and 5S is almost the same, and ultimately, that all these 3 phones are the SAME 5H1T. On the 5S features page, you’re actually comparing 5S’s performance with the ORIGINAL iPhone. OH WOW, you guys have made SUCH a progress from 2007 to 2013! Yes, that’s sarcasm. But still somehow, iSheep are STILL buying these iPhones.

Actually, my greatest anger is on the 5C. I guess you guys have really made the decision to follow Samsung. Yeah, Samsung’s flagship phones are plastic, but look at your 5C. It’s doesn’t even look high-end! Everyone knows that C doesn’t stand for color, it stands for cheap. But cheap has two meanings. Here, cheap doesn’t mean low price, but it means being inferior. It means workers at Foxconn get payed like slaves and then sell the phone for like 10x more money. It means all that money for a PLASTIC TOY.

But still, iSheep are still buying them – for $549 off contract in the U.S. and ¥4488 in China. I live in China. I can buy 2 XiaoMI 3’s with ¥4488. And each of them are better than 5S even.

(If anyone’s interested check out xiaomi.com/en to see how much better a 3-year-old company is doing than Apple.)↓

And now the 5C rubber case ↓. Which intern designed this case? I mean, just look at that. Rubber holes, blocking “iPhone” on the back, all letters but “hon”. I mean, what is this??

hon

When I think about it, I remember how excited, surprised and innovated to see new iPhones in the past years. “A phone. An iPod. An internet communicator. A phone. An iPod… Are you getting it?” It was epic. Steve Jobs was epic. The iPhone 4 took the lead in all the smartphones. But by the time iPhone 5 was released, iPhone sucked balls.

That’s because Apple has stopped innovating. Apple hasn’t done anything that made my eyes big, let alone jaw drop. The original iPhone, one has to admit, was truly a revolutionary product. But now, you guys are just abusing the word “revolutionary”. You put everything as “revolutionary”. But no, it is not.

But STILL. iSheep are buying your stuff. Try changing nothing but the name next year, and I’d bet iSheep would still buy it. It’s just bu115h1t, nonsense.

Tim, yes you, Timothy Donald Cook. I know Jobs is dead and nobody can get him back, but anyway, you suck, your company sucks. Because you are not an innovator, you’re just a businessman. You, your company and your products don’t deserve such attention, such popularity, such price. In fact, I think all the iPhone deserves to be is just an ordinary phone without any reason to buy. Seriously, just go back and make some good Macs, the way Apple was and should be. Or else, I guess, people will just comfort themselves by looking at Apple as an ordinary company that means nothing. In fact, I am already doing so.

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